I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
