Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
