a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
