You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
