I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
