Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
