omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
