this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
