Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
