my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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