you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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