Yo dont text me then not text me
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
