**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
