I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We are two peas in an std pod
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
