she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
