He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
