I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I cut my penus on the lid.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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