just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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