I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
