Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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