she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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