I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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