wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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