Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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