seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
