First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
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i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
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i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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