It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
