oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
