If i come over, it means nothing
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
