I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
