my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm like, not good at living.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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