Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
