She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She's the barista slut.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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