i wish my penis had a tongue
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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