Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
