Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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