I look better un-naked...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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