we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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