I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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