Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
