This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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