She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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