I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We left the knife in your bed.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
