i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
