this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
