threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Houston, we have a squirter
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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