guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
false alarm. still invincible.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
