if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
