you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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