Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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