I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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