ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Ketchup is God's man juice
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize