There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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