i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
well I can't set my house on fire every night
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
