it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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