kristin has been a bad kristin
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
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He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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