Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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