she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
