Heybabeimwearingurpanties
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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