i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
