So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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