peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
