God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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