i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
