so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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