I'm really into asian looking animals
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
God, you're like boner-b-gone
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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