His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
