If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
porn star boner night. come get it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
