i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
