Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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