I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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