I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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